A call from mother while in JB. Unusually long conversation of almost 50 minutes. She repeated a few points over and over again, which is not surprising at all. How unreasonable she often appeared is not an issue here. What disgusted me was the main topic she wanted to tell me. Ahhh… I’ve never thought something like this could happen to “them” (and to me by extension). Mother said she received a looooong express letter from my sister-in-low. How much of it mother understood, I don’t know. It seems I’m now losing someone who knows the family history and with whom there is no taboo subject. Always progressive-minded and understanding. I even told my doctor that she’s the one through whom I communicate with my brother. Easier to talk to her than to him. Since the start of the year, I’ve actually been wondering how she is doing and told so to the hypnotherapist. I can only guess how devastating it must be to her. Things are even more complicated now. There will be no one left I can consider in the “we” terms. Home is far away and becoming farther. Away from me. Mind mangled. (I received an international call last night and ignored it. Was it from her or mother?)
In the summer of 1994, she, I and a few other people went out to see the annual Kyoto bonfires. Having a close look at “Dai-monji (大文字),” she said to me, “Your father (who died in the previous year) is now going back (to the other side of the world).” My eyes were filled with tears.
*
At the Woodlands Checkpoint, Officer Piggy with an oily forehead and piercing small eyes behind glasses asked me, “Your green card canceled already?” I simply nodded. You don’t have to have a welcoming smile but, Miss Piggy, you shouldn’t look so grim.
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