Do I Still Remember How to Sleep? + OA's case

It seems I’ve forgotten how to sleep. It doesn’t matter

whether it’s a bottle of wine or two. I can’t sleep when

I should.

OA’s case: It was already many years ago. It should be in

2009 soon before the lunar new year holiday. I stayed

three or four nights at a US15-a-night guest house. She

was friendly, or rather aggressive as she took my hand the

moment we met for the first time. She navigated me and took

me to a few places of interest carrying me on her Honda. It

was when I was starting my own business, feeling very

insecure. But her intention seemed to get married to any

decent man to get out of poverty. I was not really ready

not least because of my business. And though she was really

“taking care” of me, her small lies made to achieve her goal

were annoying me. She asked me to lend her S$200, and I gave

her S$100 almost knowing the money would never come back to

me. I remember saying to her, “I’m the poorest Japanese in

Singapore.” Within a month or so, I went back to see her,

and it was after the lunar new year holiday. I stayed for

about three weeks at the guesthouse I had lodged on my

previous occasion. It was US14 a night. And I met her

everyday, except a night I spent in Cambodia, during my stay.

I even visited her house and met her very extended “who’s

who” family. Those days remain fond memories but the game she

seemed to be playing really bothered me. During my stay, she

started working at a Singaporean restaurant and after a few

days, she said, “The wife of the owner (Singaporean) is

jealous of me.” We kept in touch for some time, chatting

online. In the following years, she wrote me to ask for money

twice. I refused both times. By refusing, I may have destroyed

her family. And I'm feeling more insecure than I was then.