I hate those muddled moments when I’m half-awake/asleep.
It’s those moments when I think of the worst of my future.
It’s very scary when I wonder if all feelings toward
family has gone in me. Yes, I still think about my parents,
especially mother, and realize once again they are forever
gone. I even sobbed on Osaka Subway after I saw father
unconscious and I sobbed walking to Kangetsukyo Station
after I saw mother behaving like a small girl. But I had
no tears to shed upon their deaths. Doing nothing to
remember them or even actively ignoring anything that
may remind me of their past existence, I may be really
cold-blooded. Then, where are good memories of them?
Perhaps, my feeling toward family is like "omoyu." No
seasoning at all, but thicker than water.
One nice thing that I experienced today: I went to a
supermarket in the neighborhood to buy bottles of wine and
some vegetables. The cashier whom I'd met many times
before flashed a warm smile at me.
SHAME ON YOU, MARIA LESSIE FLORES. YOU ARE WANTED BY THE
POLICE. SURRENDER AND FACE JUSTICE.
Alcohol intake record:
February
12
(Sun.): white wine
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