Early Evening Nightmare

終戦記念日

*

Consumed a great amount, by my standard, of Indian food for lunch. Early evening nap and nightmare: I was being kept in the dark about what was going on with the family. Mother, brother and a few of his friends seemed discussing something, totally ignoring me. I stayed in my room, while curious but trying to appear nonchalant, and drinking beer. Finally, I confronted them demanding explanation. “Mother was helping African refugees” was how brother explained. (Liberia as the BBC’s program on Liberia was on TV?). They looked all Asian though I could see only their crouching backs. Brother said, “It will be explained by your father.” There were also a few dogs. One of them began attacking me. I tried to let myself loose from its claws that had good hold of my left hand. Another dog was also preventing me from moving away. I got surprised to find this dog was a Western man who was looking at me in a lewd way.

In another scene, I was walking down a nighttime downtown Kyoto, still holding a beer bottle. At a corner of the intersection, a group of clarinet player, all of them wearing formally, was practicing. When wondering how I could go back the way I had come, I found a former colleague coming my way. We greeted as old friends and I asked him where he was going. His answer was ambiguous but he didn’t object my following him. After a while, a woman joined us, or rather him. It was his ex-wife, also my former colleague and wearing a nice makeup. “Oh, you still keep seeing each other,” I thought but said nothing. I felt again I’d been kept in the dark. I swung the beer bottle and intentionally spilt beer on to her right shoulder. Their eyes were accusing me and I said words of apology. They entered a bar, leaving me behind. I wandered the area looking at the menus of noodle shops, still not knowing how to go back.