Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Trying to Cling to Imagined Hopes

No doubt about it. I’m feeling a debilitating sense of insecurity and also absurdness. And this feeling of insecurity makes me attempt to hold on to any kind of hope, offline or online, that I have come across. The result is ironically more insecurity because so far hopes, presumably real, have been all creation of my imagination. It is not anybody’s betrayal, but my own fault. I should blame myself for thinking that I have found something I can grab and retain to myself. How silly.

In my mind, I cannot depict my future, even a day ahead. Or the only sort of future I see these days is all dark. I try to sleep so I can avoid meeting my Black Cat while awake. Daytime, when people are active, is the worst. I do not want to look at this inert person in broad daylight.

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